Sassy News Monkey?

I'm not really sure what to make of the latest interactive "feature" the local paper just rolled out. It's a flash application starring "Chopper the Sassy News Monkey". You ask Chopper questions, and he responds the next week with his "sour wisdom."

Whatever else is wrong with this idea, it's clear that this monkey is seriously misnamed. He's got the voice of Lou Grant after a weekend bender, and he smokes a big cigar. What's sassy about that? And he looks really pissed, or even a little possessed.

Of course, looking like that, I'd be pissed, too. I mean, just look at those hands and feet! He's clearly been tortured, or maybe raised in a nuclear plant. Watching him run is pretty disturbing — it's kind of how you would imagine a jellyfish would run if it could.

Clearly, the Charlotte Observer is trying to ruin my appreciation of monkeys, just as they've come close to ruining my appreciation of online news with their crappy site. So maybe there's a question in there for Chopper: "Why are your bosses such stupid jerks? (And what did they do to your hands?)"