"It's in the Hole!"

Friday and Saturday I found myself at the Wachovia Championship, Charlotte's stop on the PGA tour. This was the third time I've gone and, as always, I had a great time.

Friday I went with my father. It was a little cold and rainy, but better that than clear skies and 90. We ended up having some pretty good luck, too. We parked ourselves along the 4th fairway when we arrived, and sure enough, 20 minutes later, Tiger was on the tee. His tee shot landed about 20 feet directly in front of us. By this time, his army had descended, but we were able to hold on to our spot along the rope line. Tiger then proceeded to hit a 150-year pitching wedge to within 6 feet of the hole, and made the putt for birdy. Pretty sweet.

Most of Friday was spent walking the course. Saturday, however, I went with my friend Jerry and we camped the whole time behind the 8th green. We were able to see most of the players' approach shots, and had an excellent look at their putts. I'll have to remember this spot next year.

Of course, not liking people all that much, there were plenty of annoyances because of the large crowds. Here are five reminders for some of the ruder patrons I saw:

1. If you're smoking a big cigar in the middle of a large crowd of spectators, that doesn't make you sophisticated — it makes you an ass.
2. If you're drunk and keep humming porno music and saying "There goes the herd" every time a group of women walk by, you probably have a very hard time getting laid.
3. If you're standing in a two-minute line for the restrooms and spend those two minutes bitching about how unfair it is that you can't use the handicapped bathroom, you are an ignorant and insensitive bastard.
4. If you bring your kids to the tournament and they start making fart noises as players are getting ready to tee off, you probably need to rethink a few decisions.
5. If you are the only people talking in a 50-yard radius, get the message and shut the hell up.